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Swingers Rules & Swinging Etiquette

Meeting swingers near me for the first time? The unwritten rules every swinger plays by.

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Swinging has very few rules, but the ones it has matter, and everyone on the scene expects you to know them. Get them right and you'll be welcome anywhere; get them wrong and word travels fast.

Consent comes first

  • No means no. Anyone can say no at any point, to anything, without giving a reason, and that's the end of it.
  • Ask, don't assume. Being at a party or in someone's home isn't consent to anything. Check before you touch, and check again before you go further.
  • Both halves of a couple count. If one partner isn't happy, nothing happens, whatever the other one says.

Respect limits and house rules

  • Stick to what was agreed. If a couple said soft swap only, it stays soft swap, however the evening is going.
  • Follow the host's rules. Parties and clubs set their own, from dress codes to which rooms are open; follow them.
  • Don't pester. One polite approach is fine. If someone isn't interested, move on.

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Safety and hygiene

  • Use condoms with new partners, and change them between partners.
  • Arrive clean and fresh, and keep drink and anything else well within limits: nobody wants to play with someone who's had too much.
  • Get tested regularly if you're active on the scene, and be honest if you've had a result you need to share.

Discretion

  • What happens stays there. Never share names, photos or details of anyone you've met.
  • No phones out at parties unless the host says otherwise, and never take photos without everyone's clear agreement.
  • Say hello carefully. If you see someone from the scene in everyday life, let them decide whether to acknowledge you.

New to all this? Our guide for new swingers covers your profile and first meet, and the swinging terminology explains the abbreviations you'll see in ads.

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Swingers etiquette: your questions

What's the most important swinging rule?

Consent: anyone can say no at any time, without a reason, and that's respected straight away.

Do we have to do anything at a party?

No. Plenty of people just watch or socialise, especially the first time.

Is it OK to take photos?

Only with the clear agreement of everyone in them, and never at a party unless the host allows it.

Is it free to join?

Yes. Joining is free: you can browse profiles, post your ad and photos, get daily match suggestions and send a limited number of messages a day. VIP adds unlimited messaging, advanced search and the chat rooms. You must be 18 or over.