Swinging for Beginners: A First-Time Guide for New Swingers

Swinging can be exciting and a real turn-on: a chance to explore your sexuality together and find out what really turns you both on. If you are thinking about it for the first time, you probably have more questions than answers. This page is for you: what swinging actually is, whether it suits you, the different ways people start, and the worries almost every beginner has.

Is swinging for you?

• Do you like the idea of sex with several people, with no strings attached?
• Would you like to explore your fantasies with like-minded people?
• Do you love the intimacy and commitment of your partner, but don't want to miss out on sexual adventure and variety?

If that sounds like you, the increasingly popular lifestyle called swinging could be for you.

What's so shocking about swinging, anyway? Why should anyone be outraged by consenting adults having recreational sex with the full knowledge, agreement and often the participation of their partner? Isn't that kind of open, honest relationship far better than the lies and deceit of an affair?

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What swinging actually is

Swinging means couples, and sometimes single men and women, having sexual fun with other people, with the full knowledge and agreement of both partners. It isn't cheating: nothing is hidden, and everything happens because you both want it to. Swingers are ordinary people in ordinary jobs and relationships, from every part of the UK. For many couples it is as much about the social side and the shared excitement as the sex itself.

Ways to start swinging

Soft swap first. Many beginners start with soft swapping: playing with other people while keeping full sex for each other.

A social meet. Meet another couple for a drink with no expectation of anything else. If the chemistry is there, you can arrange more.

A threesome. Some couples start by inviting one person, often a single woman or a single man, rather than another couple. See our threesome swingers.

Parties and clubs. Others prefer a private swingers party or a swingers club, where you can usually just watch the first time and join in only if you want to.

Common worries for beginners

What if one of us gets jealous? A flash of jealousy is normal. Agree your rules beforehand, start slowly and talk afterwards. If it doesn't feel right, you can stop at any time.

What if we don't fancy them? Then you thank them for a nice evening and go home. Nobody owes anyone anything, and experienced swingers understand.

What if we're too nervous? Most people are, the first time. That's why so many beginners chat online for a while, then meet for a drink before anything else.

Will people find out? Swinging relies on discretion. You choose what goes on your profile and which photos to show, and VIP members can browse with Incognito.

Your first steps

Start with an honest talk with your partner about what you both want, and what is off-limits. Then join free and look around: you can browse profiles, post your ad with photos and videos, search by distance from you, and chat online for as long as you like before meeting anyone. VIP adds unlimited messaging, advanced filters and the VIP and Verified chat rooms.

When you're ready, our guide for new swingers takes you through setting up your profile, writing your ad and your first meet, step by step. Our swingers tips and advice explain soft, closed and open swinging, and swinging rules and etiquette covers how to behave on the scene. Reading a few first-time swingers stories is a good way to see how other couples got started.

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